Forbidden Fruit: Romantic Attraction in Psychotherapy
When I was a practicum student, I developed a strong attraction to a client in a university clinic. All of the signs were there – thinking about her between sessions, looking forward to our meetings, etc. I’m glad to say I never acted upon the attraction in any way, but sad to report that my heart hurt when the practicum ended.
Superficially, it was easy to understand. She was young, attractive, lively, and intelligent. The type of person that anyone would find appealing. It didn’t help that she reported on her sexual encounters with her boyfriend in sessions and it CERTAINLY didn’t help when she flirted with me a bit.
I had the foresight to do something that I highly recommend. I spoke candidly about it with my clinical supervisor. Talk about it, and it is less likely that you will act upon it; we are only as sick as our secrets.
Through that conversation, I learned about a second level of motivation that I suspect is a common denominator in many boundary violations in a therapeutic relationship. I was in transition from the role of student to the role of breadwinner. I was leaving my cloistered life for the uncertainty of a professional career. He hypothesized that her own life transition might have been the motivation for her flirtation, too.
-Dr. Bill Whitehead, Ph.D.
Sexual attraction in therapy
The reality is that many therapists have experienced occasional sexual or romantic feelings towards their clients. You spend a lot of time with your clients, learning about their lives and sharing personal information.
As a therapist, you have an obligation to maintain boundaries and ensure the well-being of every client. While it’s not uncommon to experience feelings of attraction towards clients, acting on those feelings, whether through flirtation, sexual advances, or other inappropriate behavior, is both unprofessional and unethical.
Signs of therapist attraction to a client
Erotic countertransference specifically refers to when a therapist experiences sexual feelings or attractions toward their client. Common signs of erotic countertransference include:
- Increased emotional intensity: The therapist may show heightened emotional responses during sessions, such as increased empathy or sympathy.
- Changing the session: The therapist might start making the session longer or reducing the fee for that client only.
- Excessive personal disclosure: The therapist may begin to disclose more personal information about themselves during sessions.
- Different behavior: The therapist may start dressing differently for the client’s sessions or engaging in subtle flirtatious behavior.
- Increased focus on client: The therapist may find themselves thinking about the client outside of therapy sessions or feeling a desire to see them more often.
What to do if you’re experiencing attraction to a client
While experiencing attraction is relatively common, acting on attraction is unethical. When you see the warning signs in yourself – scheduling the client for the last session of the day, lingering at the end of the session, thinking about them excessively between sessions – talk about it.
Speak to a trusted colleague or mentor who can help you sort out what you’re experiencing. Their outside perspective can help you assess your behavior and come up with a plan to move forward without damaging the client/therapist relationship.
Working with your own counselor can also help you explore why you may be attracted to a particular client and uncover any issues in your life you may be struggling to deal with effectively.
If you are unable to resolve your feelings or they begin to negatively affect the client’s treatment, terminate the professional relationship immediately and refer them to another therapist. Client care should always be the priority.
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